Willpower

Author: Lariat

I always thought that killing was bad. That it was only necessary in self-defense. And that it was okay when you do it to the bad guys. So as an official good guy, I was allowed to kill the bad guy. How do I know if they were bad people? I always tell myself this:

I kill them because I was ordered to. I was ordered to because they're bad people. I kill the bad people so that I can protect my little brother.

So in the end, as long as I reassure myself that the people I was killing were the bad guys, I wouldn't mess up the mission, wouldn't fail it, wouldn't let everybody down, and protect my little brother in the end. And it always works. Always has, always does, always will.

That's what I thought.

Then I realized something else.

I kill them because I was ordered to. I was ordered to because they oppose the people who ordered me to. I kill the people opposing them even though I know that they were innocent.

I killed the enemies of the bad people for the bad people. Bad people who are selfish, arrogant, and do whatever it takes to keep themselves in that higher position.

"That's how the world works" someone said to me.

I can't believe that I was so blind. Something as foolish as disobeying orders in order to save innocent lives shouldn't regard you as an enemy. It shouldn't regard you as a bad person. It should regard you as a kind and caring person who is willing to put others before his own. For the sake of protecting others.

I kill them because they're bad people. I kill the bad people so that I can protect everyone. I protect everyone so that no one has to die without reason.

That's what I always tell myself now. Because I know that's how it's supposed to be.